a view....

from high high up.........................
down, i wish to plunge, into a sea of reds and whites......
to celebrate whatever worth celebrating.
there are times when the only answers come from listening, not asking. but i stopped listening............

hurt and pain...

those words, my 7th tattoo, will be with me for life............
wondering about how much something will hurt is actually worse than the actual pain....(just like tattoo)....
u cant really make sense of what happens in a breakup until u suffer alone.

what a night!!

sista sms me around 8:30pm, asking me to join her at ICB. i hesitated for a while, cuz working tomorrow. i ended up there around 9:15pm....ha!! learnt a new game, 5 10. it's fun....who lose, will drink. sista got lots of fun friends and colleagues. i had a great time. thanks sista....it's been awhile!

sil....

almost brought me to tears when i heard this. saw sista at ICB....wow, no words could describe how happy i was to see her!! sista....it's been a long time. "almost half year, no...more than that!" she said. she was with a friend and i was with my friends. we wanted to talk more, i guess.....but we got our friends around, so didnt really talk much. but still, we were really happy to see each other. hahaha....kinda of i didnt really dare to sms her when things were over between....us. and she too, didnt know if she should msg me or not. in fact, many times i wanted to ask sista out for drinks, but in the end didnt. anyway, glad i bumped into her tonight, and things were cleared now. we'll be keeping in touch.....sista and sil.

told sista she should not call me sil anymore....it's someone else now. "casey," sista said. yes, she remembered....ha! "peenut," i only know her by that! we'll be keeping in touch.....peenut and casey.

who....

did this? suspects on the list.....2 teens.
still under investigation. hope i'm wrong about the suspects part.

'to stop the suffering, stop perpetuating the illusion that you cannot deal with your feelings. act out of your path, not your pathology.'

流感演习...

this is an exercise, seriously....
they are serious about it............
this song was with me, everyday, while i was in NY....
Hate Me by Blue October
i have to block out thoughts of you so i dont lose my head
they crawl like cockroach leaving babies in my bed
dropping little reels of tape to remind me that i'm alone
playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
there's a burning pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
an ounce of peace is all i want for you. will you never call again?
and will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
and will you never try to reach me?
it is i want that space
hate me today
hate me tomorrow
hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
i'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
the one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing i wont touch again
in a sick way i want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
while i was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
you never doubt my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
you made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
so i'll drive so fucking far away that i never cross your mind
and do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
hate me today
hate me tomorrow
hate me for all the things i didnt do for you
hate me in ways
yeah ways hard to swallow
hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
and with a sad heart i say bye to you and wave
kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that i had made
and like a baby boy i never was a man
until i saw your blue eyes crying and i held your face in my hand
and then i fell down yelling "make it go away"
just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
and then she whispered "how can you do this to me?"
hate me today
hate me tomorrow
hate me for all the things i didnt do for you
hate me in ways
yeah ways hard to swallow
hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

hmmm, this is depressing....

free time....

"hey, what u do on your off days? i wonder what u do during your free time?" a friend of mine asked me that few days back. hmmmm, guess nothing much but just reading and reading a lot. actually what else to do beside reading? ok...a bit of jogging, washing car, blogging, spend time with parents, hang out with gay bro, fold my clothes, eating, drinking, walking around the house, watch a bit of tv, shoot some pixs for blog, tidy up my bedroom, meet some friends once in a while. errrm, guess that's all. yah, that's really all.
another colleague packing stuffs, it's sad. probably the last to leave on the list. my contact list tells all.....
left : printed on year 2003...............right: printed today, 2006
see?
now....i have both the old and new contact list in my wallet. it's just a contact list, yet i cant bear to throw it away. isn't the new should always replace the old. agree?

a lala land...

has it's magnificent night view too...................
or rather night is always attractive? yes, my dream came true. i was up the super P shooting, instead of down arguing....ha! suddenly realised i'm home for almost a year now, as in shifted back home...hmmm.

mind or heart?

i have a doubting mind and a trusting heart. they both cant get along.
i looked back and see what have happened....by means of any one of these two, either mind or heart has destroyed it. whatever i gained using mind could not be used because my heart refused to accept, and whatever i gained using heart was unacceptable to mind. foolish, isnt it? it's really very hard to live with them together. did they ever once agree on any subject or anything together in my life? the true nature of mind is to doubt while heart is completely opposite of that. heart is always trusting without any logic...ha! mind and heart operate independently. situations when i tried to listen to them together, my life became hell. what is the need of these two living in a single body, if they cant agree on anything. mind and heart are independent entity and should operate alone freely. both are equally important and powerful. only one allowed, mind or heart?

nobody knows....

along this quiet corridor...............................
behind this door...................
is home sweet home to her.
the forgotten group, sadly they are. sympathy, they need none. they just dont want to be the forgotten one.

twink....

left this morning. 13th july 2006....











goodbye, twink.

superman!!

@Times Sq....
he's everywhere, but not anywhere near me. i waited for him to rescue me. guess everything happens for a reason, this too shall pass, i hope.
it's never easy for me to come to terms with things i dont understand. am i being too hard on myself?
slowly, i'm learning to regard endings as a part of the natural flow of life. this is another huge obstacle to me, on this road less traveled. superman rescued her. wonder woman will come rescue me, i'm waiting for her....heheheheeehhheeee!!

same old shit....

every year, every NDP!! geezzzzz, can one ever get enough of it? it was the combined rehearsal yesterday. unlucky me, who just came back from holiday and still suffering from 'post-trip' depression, was assigned to cover this annual event. i thought i can almost kill anyone anytime!
first of all, we all looked stupid wearing that numbered thingy! of all colors, they just got to choose grey?!! we looked like some litter-bug offenders, doing corrective work at national stadium. we had to wear that in order to enter the field area to shoot. to make things worst, everytime only allowing 2 persons in, the rest would have to stay behind some 'invisible line' to queue up! who the hell in the world came up with this 'brilliant' idea, seriously got NO brain! arguement would only lead to 'red card', meaning out of the field. i almost got a red card, cuz i agrued and didnt follow instructions....ha! probably i havent been 'down' at the stadium to shoot for a long time, cuz past 3 years i was up the super P, shooting. fantastic aerial view with nice cooling breeze. if weather permits, sunset is a bonus. it's so peaceful up there.
yeah yeah...my friend trying very hard to make me look great in that litter-bug outfit. i tried very hard too. sigh....guess shits happen, same old shits, happen everytime, everywhere. office seems colder and colder, i'm getting more and more lonely at work. it's either the same old desk with a different person there, or the same old desk with nobody there. yes, another colleague of mine left. i was greeted by an empty desk when back to work on friday. i was sad.

a married woman

@Guggenheim Museum Cafe. grandpa and grandma having small talk over coffee. they didnt notice me taking pixs. stopped after 2 shots and i just looked at them. they touched me, somehow....i dont know. 'old wife wife' on my mind. beautiful, they are.....

nick's pizza!!

local time : 2 july, 11:57pm.........................yummy!!

i had the best ultimate yummy pizza and cheesecake on saturday nite.
babe and mr vain made me the happiest person on earth....heheeehe! pizza + beer = great pals on my mind. yeah, wish i can share that moment with pals. 2 bottles of beer, 3 slices of meatball pizza and a 'better-than-sex' cheesecake for desert, i die without regrets.

yellow cabs

local time : 1 july, 1:50am.......these yellow little cabs are CRAZY!!
they drive madly, honk like nobody's business and will most likely to run u down if u dont watch out for them when crossing the road! too fast too furious, they definitely are.
the subway....flat rate of US$2 per trip and gets me to most of the places i wanna go.
.............nice..............